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Twelve days of Christmas...in
Fluffland
December 25th 2000
On the first day of Christmas, one lucky amazon stood on the edge of the waterfall on the
southern limit of the Amazon's land.
She held in her arms a beautiful white dove. She stood there, rocking slightly, gently
petting the bird. Lost in thoughts.
A smile slowly appeared on her lips. This was a good day. A wonderful day. A day to say
thanks and bring joy to everyone. Even those who.. humm .. had been a little nasty all
year and had a twisted sense of humor.
So she started to hum a few bars of 12 days of Christmas soflty. "On the first day of
Christmas my true love sent to me..." she looked down at the bird. "You aren't a
partridge in a pear tree but you are beautiful" She sighed. "Too beautiful to be
caged."
Whispering, she started to sing the Christmas carol again. "On the first day of
Christmas my true love sent to me.. a partridge in a pear tree." Opening her hands,
she let go of the dove and made it fly away. "On the first day of Christmas, i sent
to all my friends... peace, love and a white dove." She looked on as the bird flew
over the waterfall and disappeared from view.
The sound of clapping broke the silence. "Peace, love and a white dove. You are one
smart cookie. Then again i would not have it any other way. Peace! Oh, the irony!"
The amazon stayed where she was. Facing the waterfall, her back to the War God.
"Well, you started it. A white dove. A caged white dove. You can't cage peace, Ares.
Not forever. For a little while, but not forever."
Strong arms came around the amazon's shoulders. "I know. But i have to try. It's what
i am. But i can try peace, joy and a white dove for one day. Merry Christmas."
Both looked on as the sun set on the waterfall.
"On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me.... a partridge in a pear
tree."
Twelve days of Christmas...in Fluffland
Day 2
This came from the two sources : a monologue on the 12 days of Christmas by two Canadian
comics i heard on the radio. And the latest Barenaked Ladies CD : Maroon. I just loooooove
them. They are a Canadian band. If you haven't any clue who they are, this is just a
shame.. they are fantastic. They are funny, charming and they rock. I'm listening to
"Pinch me" and two lines applied to the
Herk Alpha of this story. And they are not the ones i put at the beginning of this fluff
thing or the ones used by the amazon.
December 26th 2000
"It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here"
-Pinch me
On the second day of Christmas, one amazon tried very hard not to laugh and hurt the
feelings of one sweet man. She held in her hands two turtle necks. Beautiful angora turtle
necks. Pink turtle necks.
SHerk had a bright, sunny smile on his face. "See... I could not find turtle doves. I
couldn't even find turtles. So I sat and thought "What kind of turtle could I
find?" and Discord suggested turtle necks. I told her if I couldn't find turtles how
in Zeus could I find turtle's necks. Really.. Silly chicken, I
said." SHerk shook his head. "Of course I didn't know turtle necks were
clothes."
The Amazon just stared at the very pink turtle necks. Two of them. She sighed thinking
"Pinch me, pinch me 'cause i'm still asleep. Please God tell me that i'm still
asleep."
As SHerk kept babbling about his quest for turtles, the amazon lost herself in the
softness of the angora. They really weren't that pink. And they were soooo soft.
"Of course I did find them under there." SHerk looked at her expectedly.
"Under where?" the amazon asked mutterly while she put one of the turtle neck
on.
SHerk laughed. "I just made you say underwear!!!"
A crystal laugh was the amazon's reply. "You did. Didn't you?" She shook her
head.
SHerk smiled back, hugged his true love and they began to slow dance. She softly hummed
"On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me... two pink turtle
necks."
"On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree."
You can find info on The Barenaked Ladies at : www.bnlmusic.com
Twelve days of Christmas...in Fluffland
Day 3
Day 3 of 12 days of Christmas.. they might be finished by Easter.. maybe.. This is the
result of a chat with Danaan (bless your heart dear) who helped me shape this crazy idea
of a fluff piece. The original 12 days goes.. Three french hens.. so you have French.. of
course.. Robert came immediatly to mind.. hens.. well.. i know we all love to torture our
favorite hen.. Discord (so she makes a
cameo). This is a complete rip off of the French parody episode "Les
Contempibles".
"I believe in every man's heart lives a hero"
On the third day of Christmas, three amazons were riding back from a shopping spree in a
lovely carriage. Inside, Hilara was looking over her amazon's gold card receipt. Castalia
was listening to her latest buy the audio version of "Death du Jour" the Kathy
Reichs best-seller and cuddling with a sleepy YIolaus who had been "rented" for
the day. Kat was having a great time sitting in the driver's seat and driving the
carriage.
Suddenly on one of the road' turn, the carriage stopped. In the middle of the road stood a
bunch of soldiers with their "leader" looking a little pissed off.
"Capitaine Ares! What brings you out? Lost your sword again?" Kat chuckled.
"Lady Wildkat." Capitaine Ares smiled sinisterly. "We are seeking the
Chartreuse Fox. The thief robbed my temple. You won't mind if we check your carriage, will
you?" Ares started to move towards the door.
"Capitaine! What a nice surprise! We haven't seen you at SorboMart in ages..."
Hilara had opened the carriage's door and grabbed Capitaine Ares by the lapels. "I
found the cutest black leather biker shorts. Juste what you were asking for last
month."
Capitaine Ares tensed a little then smiled. "Lady Hilara. How nice of you. I'll be
sure to go and check it out. Now, you wouldn't by any chance seen any unsavory characters
around now would you?"
Hilara giggled, batted her eyes and asked "You mean, besides you?"
Capitaine Ares sighed. "Never mind Milady. Who is with you inside the carriage?"
Capitaine Ares trying to sneek a look inside.
"Lady Castalia who is totally absorbed by this dreadful murder mystery audio novel
and no fun at all and well.. a totally wonked out YIolaus. We did kinda abused the poor
boy today." Hilara had a devilish smile on her lips.
"Well, Lady Hilara.. this is a new side of you. I definitely will get in touch with
you later on." Capitaine Ares kissed Lady Hilara's hand. "Good day and be
careful of thiefs myladies. Let them pass." Capitaine Ares signaled his troop to move
out of the way.
A few miles farther up the road the carriage stopped again when a loud sound was heard.
Hilara opened the door and got out.
"Kat, make sure the horses are steady." Hilara kneel down besides the carriage,
extended her hand under it and grabbed Robert's.... humm.. balls. "Robert, darling.
Do not blow this for us!"
Castalia came down on the other side. She also knet besides the carriage and took hold of
Jean-Pierre's ponytail. "You are coming with us, aren't you boys?"
Both french thieves dropped to the ground. "Of course Mademoiselle, of course."
Robert said, rubbing his.. well.. hurting balls. Jean-Pierre concurred and patted away
Castalia's hand. "Do not touch the hair." The quartet met in front of the
carriage. "Now we can't have you in plain sight. Don't think, for one second, that we
fooled Capitaine Ares." Hilara dusted her skirt.
Kat looked on with a inquisitve stare then a mischevious glime appeared in her eyes.
"Can you give me any raison i should not run you all through?" and gave the
horses a tug.
All four scattered off in order to avoid Kat and the running away carriage. YIolaus
quietly appeared next to Kat and said "I like your style. Out foxed by The Fox!"
As two poor amazons and their escorts tried to make their way through the Sorboland
wilderness they encountered in their way back home one of Capitaine Ares' lieutenant.
Lieutenant Strife had come upon the stranded quartet and had started to harass the two
lovely amazons.
Robert getting quite annoyed, decided to take care of the annoying bug. With a swift
tackle, Lieutenant Strife was horizontal and kissing dirt. "Monsieur, you need
help." Robert laughed at the poor lieutenant. Just then help arrived in the form of
Discord, the chicken soldier. Robert giggled. "I was kidding!"
Finally the dynamic quartet made their way to Lady Hilara's place on the beach. Shared
wine, a blanket on the beach and a nice cozy night in the light house.
Meanwhile, Lady Kat and YIolaus were on their way to SorboVegas to celebrate when they
were stopped. Kat and YIolaus had picked up a driver and had decided to cozy up inside the
carriage. "Why are we stopping Claude?" asked Lady Kat.
A dark figure appeared at the carriage's door. "Ah... Lady Kat .. what a
surprise!"
"Capitaine Ares.. oh my!" Lady Kat cooed.
"I am seeking a dastardly thief.. someone called the Chartreuse Fox.. you wouldn't
have any idea where I could find her now.. would you?" Capitaine Ares had a nasty
snarl on his lips.
"Her?! Oh I thought it could have been you dear." Kat pointed to YIolaus.
"But of course, Capitaine Ares you know that there isn't any Chartreuse Fox. These
are juste stories.."
YIolaus went "Are you sure, I thought you said..." Kat elbowed him in the gut.
"Idiot!"
Capitaine Ares raised an eyebrow and motionned Lady Kat to step out of the carriage and
drew his sword.
"Oh I see you finally found it ... again." Kat smiled mischeviously at Capitaine
Ares then drew out her own sword. "En garde Capitaine!"
Capitaine Ares and Lady Kat battled, fought hard. Lady Kat finally dropped on Capitaine
Ares. Both rolled around on the ground then stopped.
" Would you please move your knee Lady Kat?" Capitaine Ares whispered.
"That's not her knee, man" YIolaus stood on the driver's seat holding a stained
yellow rose in one hand and swinging a very nice diamond necklace in the other. "Is
this going to take much longer?" YIolaus was getting bored.
"Are you out of you mind?" Lady Kat yelled at YIolaus. Capitaine Ares took
advantage of the moment and disarmed Kat.
A second later, Kat held the stained yellow rose in her hand. YIolaus grinned at her.
"Great catch Kat!"
"Now, Capitaine Ares you wouldn't want to get stung by one of these hind blood
covered thorns." Kat smiled. Capitaine Ares moved away quickly not taking any
chances.
"Now be a good little Capitaine and turn around." Kat moved quickly and knocked
Capitaine Ares unconcious with the pommel of her sword.
Jumping back on the carriage, Lady Kat hugged YIolaus tightly. "You are in for a wild
night." Seeing Capitaine Ares coming back to life Kat shouted.
"I was kidding Capitaine.. just kidding.." Kat giggled and drove the carriage
away yelling at the top of her lungs.."One for all and all for ME!!!"
"On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three french hens
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree."
Chantal